Chotu Sabzi

Things never really change, do they? Lets ponder.

I usually frequent this thella for my chai and drag on my way back from work in the evenings. The space has a few plastic stools strewn around for you to sit on while you munch on some of the fried snacks on offer. If you took the time to glance around, you could see a few regulars and a slew of new faces there every day. Some of the regulars had unofficially booked themselves a few stools in the far corner of the space for their daily post-work banter.

Chotu invisibly brought everyone their chai until a few days back. He went about his tasks sharing a quick smile with the ones who looked his way. Things were normal… until chai pe charcha became a manufactured rage. That day on, he became Saabji for quite a few. They would involve him in their discussions more often than before; in a heady mix of mocking and serious overtones. Chotu took it all in his stride. Then came a day when someone thought it funny to bring in the cliched Nepali accent into the fray, and he became Shaabzee. Meanwhile the election campaigns continued their unrelenting bombardment of hashtags, development propaganda, empowerment propaganda and abki baars… And then elections concluded, and with it faded the public memory of the context. In the age where brevity rules, the time had come to further shorten Chotu’s given name.

Sabzi brings us our chai these days. Things surely are Modified now, no?

Context: Penned after the 2014 general elections in India.

Come on, common, Come on...

......
......
I am a nurtured tool
Feel like someone elses fool
And they set out to rule
Where the roads lead to you
......
......

Our revolutionary road...

Had to get to the bar
Didn't have with me no car
Along she came with a cookie jar
And together we went and burnt some tar.

Speed gave way to some tepid dark
Where we thought we could leave our mark
And as light came in with the morning lark
I saw her, and me too quite stark.

It was the dawn of irrevocable trust
Beyond all mundane thirst and lust
There it could have all gone bust
Had it not been for a little mistrust.

Through the rocky terrain from there on
Along came many who would with time be gone
They started picking a contention to the bone
Hanging in there, a bond we kept trying to hone.

Then in the comfort of a safe speed
We hit upon many bumps that rocked our steed
To most we didn't pay much heed
Where surmounting one might be an improbable deed.

Hope is where our hearts still lie
Its not easy to just fall short and die
For even though we might intermittently cry
The one thing we won't stop is give it another try.

Up ahead we still see the light
Unto our belief, it still shines as bright
We shall one day look back at our flight
And name this journey the road to our delight.

The Bird

The hint of warmth from the first rays of the sun slowly shook her into activity from her sojourn in the land of the dead. Nudging her soft head out through the dew-laden moss, she took a moment to soak in the freshness of the new day. Vibrations around her told her that she, as usual, was the first one up and about. The thrill of the time she had from now till mundane activity began had kept her going all this while; and she wanted it no other way till she lasted. She lay in wait for the day’s catch.

The meagre brook that hinted at bloating into a decent stream during summers provided her with all she needed to survive; and more. Purple wild-flowers lined along this little epitome of quiet grace lent the scene an almost mystic quality. The washed out petals and slender stems carefully holding up a new era in full bloom was a setting even this low morning light, hesitantly creeping in through the big trees overhead, seemed uneager to disturb.

The flutter soon began though, she could not see them, nor hear them… but flirting around with them in this state is what she enjoyed most. She missed a part of her today but knew fully well that that part of her was already at work. She remembered the peck from a day back. It had taken her some time to recover from, but she was used to these blackouts by now – She had taught herself well. A part of her had lived beside this brook for all of the time she knew. Today too, the same scene seemed to be replayed; she felt the vibrations in the air, the ensuing peck and missed some more of herself; but curtains weren’t drawn as yet. The day’s work done, she went on her way to live for the next; she always had her brook.

Some green miles away, a bird suddenly dropped dead from its perch. In about an hour, she’d crawl out and find a new brook to call home. She was always at work.

It had not been easy in the beginning, turning a system inside out takes more undoing than doing. She had to unlearn to live a free worm and had to learn to quickly make herself a cocoon to protect her intent. She always had the inclination to let go and enjoy the freefall back then. She had to unlearn the pain of being pecked at and ripped apart day in and day out. She had to unlearn how not to ingest living tissue when she took that first morsel of bird flesh. Now she infests every goddamned brook you come across; and she always misses a part of her. All I can do is pity those early birds.

To hell with what “they” had to say – She always had been and always would be the worm that caught the early bird.

Did they ever care about her and her kind when they egged you on to be the early bird?

Wasn’t ignorance bliss? :-)

Some thoughts i scribbled down one evening...

Unto the sky they made me see
Heaven, they said, is where u gotta be
What's this that drives me to be free?
Can't I just let me be?

You talk of a world -
Where u is u and me is me
Strikes a real sweet chord -
When u say everyone's unique; very like thee
(Maybe very [V] ;)

If only darkness were light
If only we could go down without a fight
If only those pants weren't that tight
Then... would there have been experiences to cite?

Life sometimes gets on too heavy
But till the end u go steady
18 from b'day to d'day
Must be quite a journey, if u don’t mind me say :)

Disillusionment...

Here I am at office... typing away... Have work, but procrastination has always been my pal. Slept thru the day today... woke up in the evening to realise that I didn't know what I had been doing these last few days and where I'm going in the few days to follow. These moments of utter helplessness do hit you sometimes. Today I tried to figure out what leads to these annoying moments of anxiety.

We all live our lives supporting ourselves on structures we build around ourselves. These structures take the shape of our own beliefs and ambitions, our friendships, our family, our work... etc etc... At any given time, we find support from one or more of these structures to give us the strength and the confidence to hold our ground or to take our next step. Its on rare occasions that all these support structures desert us leaving us with a sense of complete void. I think it was in one such void that I found myself trapped today evening.

There fortunately was an encore serving of Bheja Fry for dinner to get me out of my reverie. :-)